We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
