Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
