Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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