I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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