i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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