somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
