He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
