What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize