I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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