Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
