idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
