Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
