My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
