Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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