I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
