just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
