If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
