I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
