I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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