Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
