I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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