so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
