whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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