i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
