It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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