remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
