i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
vagina is talking i cant
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
