I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
