how can u be prego again
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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