Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
