I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I need water and some morals
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
