i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize