I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
