I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
