I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
