Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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