True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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