Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
