You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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