Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ugly people sure do ruin things
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
