I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
