I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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