New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So here I am, sexting at work.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
