If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
