Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
