dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
