So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
