When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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