woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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