Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
