my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
