apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
