oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
