She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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