Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
