in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
