Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
