she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
