some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
