Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
