i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
a search helicopter?!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
