I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
