you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
