Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize