just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
