i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
